Bellydance and Sexuality
by Amberetta
May 2009 

Women are sexually attractive just because they are women. We can not control what others see when they look at us. Whether someone sees a woman as being sexy or not is completely their decision, and the woman being viewed has no say in the matter. The difference lies in the intention of the woman who is being viewed. A woman wearing no make-up and over sized pajamas with her hair standing on end can be seen as a sexual object by her significant other; even if she has a headache and is in no way interested in being sexy. 

As a bellydancer, I get on stage knowing that my intent is not to arouse sexual attraction, but is to have fun expressing myself, and to be an example of female strength and to inspire other women to break out of their shell and be strong enough to express themselves. Any coy expression or revealing costuming is certainly not intended as a sexual invitation, but rather, just more proof that I’m in charge of the situation, and that I feel comfortable on stage. When I bellydance, it’s not about you; it’s about me… even if it’s your birthday.  

A strong, confident woman is attractive. Therefore, if you are a bellydancer and you are strong and confident in your performance, you are being sexy on stage; whether you believe it or not. You can not tell me that a dance developed to flatter the female form and to develop muscles for childbirth is completely void of sexual overtones. That is just silly. The female form is one of the sexiest things on earth. Not to mention, childbirth has everything to do with sex. (Duh! How do you think babies are made?) If you bellydance to celebrate your femininity, then you are also celebrating your sexuality.  

This is an argument that has been had many times over the years and will continue to be argued so long as there are feminists and bellydancers. A beautifully written example is Feminism and Belly Dance, an article by Andrea Deagon. http://people.uncw.edu/deagona/raqs/feminism.htm.  

Burlesque and Exotic Dance are great, but they have nothing to do with bellydance. I agree with many professional Bellydancers that it’s important to separate those dance forms because they have different intentions. With Burlesque and Exotic, their intention is to arouse sexual desire. With bellydance, the intention is to show the strength and confidence of the dancer(s), and if you happen to get the wrong idea, that’s your problem. If you come to a bellydance show expecting nudity or overtly sexual behavior, you will leave very disappointed.

I do not, however, subscribe to the idea held so dear by some bellydancers, that the art form is pure and innocent and totally void of sexuality. I fear these people will wear themselves out fighting an impossible battle. A person who really thinks that bellydancers are sex objects isn’t going to take the time to read this. So if you’ve read this far, and you feel offended, ask yourself why you feel that way.  

Women who bellydance for the sisterhood and freedom to express their bodies in a safe environment have found a very sacred and wonderful place that truly is unique to bellydance. They go to class to let their hair down after a hard day at work or with the kids to find a supportive community that wants them to express their femininity. It is only those of us who push to become performers (and some long-term students) that get so wrapped up in educating the public because we have to say, “No, I am NOT a stripper” way too frequently. The number of women who bellydance just for exercise and the sisterhood far outweighs the number who actually pursue performance opportunities. We are just a handful of women who have gotten so wrapped up in defending ourselves as “not a stripper,” that we have forgotten that we are feminine, and our art form expresses our femininity.  

It’s a very circular way of thinking:

• I want to be independent and express my femininity openly and not be suppressed by our patriarchal society.

  • My being feminine in public offends some women because they say men see me as a sex object whether I see it or not.

    • Now I feel like I shouldn’t perform because I’m feeding the patriarchal society what it needs to survive.

• Other women tell me they want to learn to bellydance because they saw me perform, then they tell me later that bellydance changed their life for the better.

  • Now I feel like I must perform as often as possible to share this art form with as many women as possible.

No, that’s not confusing at all. *wink*  

Our society is what it is. I’m not saying we should give up and run around burning things and shouting, “the sky is falling!” I’m saying that we should loosen up a little. Relax. Don’t take yourself or the dance quite so seriously. If someone makes a nasty remark, go ahead and correct them; but then move on. Put your time and energy towards improving your own body and dance ability. Make yourself into the best you that you can be. Go ahead and be the spectacular example of feminine power that you want to be, and let the audience drool. You’ll help more women that way. That confidence they see that will make them want to be like you is the very thing that makes you sexy. If the “droolers” want to be ignorant, then ignorant they shall remain. That’s not my problem … or yours. Go ahead and be a beautiful bellydancer. Be who you are completely, and never apologize for it.